Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Hi Photoshop, have you met my FACE? - Twilight: Eclipse Edition

Photoshop: Oh hey Kristen, how are you?

Kristen Stewart: Y'know, nervous and stuff.

Photoshop: Sure, sure.

Kristen Stewart: So hey, have you met my face?

Photoshop: I don't believe I've had the pleasure. Wait wait, hold on. We have met haven't we?

Kristen Stewart's Face: You could say that, yeah.

Photoshop: Damn! How've you been girl?

Kristen Stewart's Face: Wanna hook up?

Photoshop: You betcha.

They have sex, and this is their baby (wow, triplets!):

Monday, March 22, 2010

Ashton Kutcher & Katherine Heigl - Finally dead!

The thrilling second part (see here for part one) of our completely inaccurate and ill-informed excerpt from the equally thrilling thriller Killers starring Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher that is COMING SOON:

Blue Mondays: Modern Talking - Atlantis Is Calling (SOS For Love)

They've got talent (and hair!) to burn. They've got your number Lady GaGa, they're onto you:

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Heigl & Kutcher: The dream team of 2010

I just read a very brief synopsis of Killers, the upcoming comedy (and potential masterpiece?) starring Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher. I haven't even watched the trailer (that would be research, yikes), but if everything else I've seen either of them in is anything to go by (psst, click on the image to see it larger):

He's a spider with the head of a boy but the...

In these wild and heady days it really is worthwhile to set some time aside to sit quietly on an upturned petrol can in the garden shed and take stock of your life. Also, Irish Spiderboy:

Friday, March 19, 2010

Thank GIF It's Friday: Troll 2

Oh my gawwwdd it's a load of GIFs from Troll 2. I still can't believe how much better it was than Troll 1, truly a step up in quality to rival The Godfather Part II. Crazy witch woman is definitely Troll 2's answer to Robert De Niro.

Couple of Marlon Brandos right here:

Shot in one take, can you believe it?

Robert Duvall is the ginger one.

In fairness this isn't even the worst film Diane Keaton has taken part in.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Come on, you know the words!

This is one of the weirdest things I have ever seen and figuring out what the hell might be going on here is my new favourite game:


(Via FourFour)

Monday, March 15, 2010

Blue Mondays: Taco - Puttin' on the Ritz

This song kind of flops down on the couch in your brain and passes out right then and there. And it even makes you think of Fred Astaire dancing with a light saber cane. What's not to like? Oh yeah, that part at 0:42.

Can you say whoopsy! I mean what is this, Australia in 2009? Psst, no this is not Australia in 2009.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Thank GIF It's Mother's Day

And so we come to Mother’s Day, the most important event in every woman’s diary (maybe even life?). In much the same way that Precious compresses a lot of serious social problems into a linear structure that we can all digest, so it is that Mother’s Day invites us to compress all the affection we feel for someone (and if you don't then you're fucking weird and don't deserve love?) in a way that they can digest (and if they don't get anything they're worth less than other people?). I mean otherwise we’d all go around telling people how amazing they are all the time, or like just being generally nice to them cause they make us happy or something. What kind of a world would that be? Anarchy on the streets!

So thank you, Mother’s Day, for letting us substitute acting like proper human beings on a regular basis with tossed-off gestures like buying your mother a few chocolates or a single disc DVD with Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler in it (order it now!).

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Thank GIF It's Friday: Valley of the Dolls

And because I know you want to listen to the Valley of the Dolls theme song now recorded extremely badly over footage of the turning vinyl LP, here's the link!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I'm a fucking idiot because I can't make a lamp?

No, you're a fucking genius cause you can't make a lamp. I've always liked reappropriated film posters, the crazier the better (I'm looking at you Poland). I stumbled onto these ones for the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, Tx (which you can buy at Poster Cabaret - PLUG!) and I think they're sufficiently nice and shiny.

P.S. Review of Troll II later in the week, and it's an absolute lock for a Thank GIF It's Friday slot sometime this month.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Blue Mondays: Boytronic - "You"

This would have been called Memory Monday, but it seemed kind of disingenuous since the only thing I remember about the 1980s is Enya's Orinoco Flow. I'll save that for another day. The day that I drown in a stylish watercolour ocean.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Friday, March 5, 2010

Thank GIF It's Friday: The Room

I've found that these work best if you have this playing in the background. Especially the last one.


Thursday, March 4, 2010

I totes love your upcycled garbage pants, xo xo

A story has been doing the rounds for the past few days about a homeless man in China called Xi Li Ge whose personal style has apparently inspired a new collection by Dolce & Gabbana:

Now I've mentioned before that suggesting something aloud, whether as a stupid joke or a serious idea that you actually want to carry out, brings that concept one step closer to existence. So let's address the lazy joke elephant in the room and just say that Ben Stiller has to claim a little responsibility for this. He put the concept out there into the system and now look where we are.

Putting aside the massive amount of things that are wrong with this - namely the trivialisation and commodification of a major social problem faced by millions the world over - we need to ask ourselves a very important question: Haven't annoying hipsters been doing this forever?

$ffed Up E$$

My soul wept when I watched Kesha interviewing Kesha. I want Gary Oldman to perform an exorci$m on this video:

My brain still hurts from OK GO

But In B Flat makes me feel talented.

How I started:

How I finished:

Then I shared it and people went:

My brain hurts

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

My thoughts exactly

But then I think most of us are in agreement that Tom Cruise should die at the beginning, middle and end of every film. That is not to suggest Tom Cruise should be in every film. I'd like to neuter that idea before it gets put out there into the system and becomes a reality. Kind of like how this exists now.

Anyway, this is a nice thing by Jeff Hamada, who's also behind Booooooom which is a blog and also another nice thing.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Aw, isn't it cute?

No, it's not cute. This has been instantly stored in my air-sealed bank of nightmares. Seriously I now have a clear vision, a premonition even, of seeing this thing creeping up through the garden towards my window. I'd be in the kitchen cleaning something in the sink when I'd peer outside, whisper "what the..." right as the legs come smashing through the glass and into my face. "RUUUN!," you'd all shout while watching the dramatic re-enactment on To Catch A Robot Predator, just as seventeen of them ambush the studio and decimate the audience. Everyone loves a happy ending.