Thursday, February 4, 2010
(Read the previous entry for a bold revisionist version of the Taken storyline from some guy I met on the bus)
Featuring: Liam Neeson, Maggie Grace, Famke Janssen, Holly Valance, Xander Berkeley
What’s all this then?: I’ll use bullet points cause we don't have time for this goddamit!
• Taken is sad!
• He’s sad because his 26-year-old daughter Maggie Grace is still pretending to be 17. And she is doing this very badly!
• HOLLY VALANCE
• Famke Janssen thinks a trip to Paris will help their daughter and also Mason from 24 is there.
• Maggie Grace spasticates over to Paris with her friend and, whoops, they get totally Takened!
• Taken is not happy about this, not at all, and intends to track down every Albanian involved in the Takening. Yeah, Albanians, who knew? Or should I say Al-TAKEN-ians.
• The girls have been Takened into the sex takening industry.
• HIGH SPEED CHASE
• After a while Taken locates and then Hostels the head Albanian into finding out who else is involved.
• He infiltrates a swanky party where they seem to be playing electro music. Because France is why.
• TAKEN IS GETTING ON THAT BOAT.
• Famke Janssen is just so happy to have her daughter back, and Maggie Grace really loves her father now for sure. So I suppose it was all worth it…?
And yet: The least believable thing about this entire film is that two 17-year-old girls would want to follow U2 around on their European tour.