Friday, February 5, 2010

Credible Actor/Trashy Film - Jodie Foster/The Brave One


The Brave One (2007)

Featuring: Jodie ‘The Oscar’ Foster, Naveen ‘The Victim’ Andrews, Terrence ‘The Creep’ Howard, Jane ‘The Why Am I Here?’ Adams and various actors of ethnicity

What’s all this then?: The Brave One wakes up from a coma to find that her Naveen Andrews got beaten to death and has already been buried cause duh you were asleep so whatever. She also has the worst friends in history so she gets left on her own to become crazy and paranoid. Good move Jane Adams, I can totally see why you were in this film now. So she gets a gun (very easily!) and also a Terrence Howard and then sets about getting her Taken on across New York city.

The only problem is: This film is no Taken. But in the spirit of Credible Actor/Trashy Film here are some points of note.

• She’s your ex-wife Terrence Howard, and she don’t do pro-bono no more.
• The Brave GUN more like. Ha ha.
• VHS tape, but it sadly does not turn into The Brave Ring with Jodie Foster
• TAKES A SHOWER FULLY CLOTHED. PAIN!
• BURNS ROMANTIC PHOTOS. SADNESS!
• LOOKS INTO A CRACKED MIRROR. IDENTITY, EVERYONE!
• The Brave One interviews Terrence Howard, cause he clearly has a voice for radio. And by radio, I mean rape. Seriously that guy always comes off ‘creepy rapist’ to me so I don’t know why no one has cast him as that yet. I guarantee success.
• SUPERCUNT
• BITCH-ILANTE
• There was still an hour to go at this point. Sheesh, maybe I don’t like Jodie Foster that much.
• I WANT MY DOG BACK

Spoiler alert: She doesn’t shoot the dog, but based on the way the final shot was set up I seriously thought she was going to. Cause progress.

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