Saturday, January 9, 2010

Mega Yawn vs Giant Disappointment

Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus (2009)

Featuring: Deborah Gibson, Mega Shark, Giant Octopus, Laboratory montages

What’s all this then?: It’s the showdown we’ve all been waiting for. Trapped in time. Frozen mid-battle. Buried in tedium. Really though this should have been a blast but it didn’t work that way at all.

Here’s why: Not nearly enough Giant Octopus. Or Mega Shark. And certainly not enough of them being ancient enemies who want to track eachother down and kill eachother’s loved ones like the Jaws family did in Jaws: The Revenge. Jaws: The Revenge is totally where it’s at in terms of bitter undersea shark-heavy tragedies of love, revenge and redemption. Redemption? Well a shark eats Michael Caine for god’s sake, that has to count for something.

That being said: The laboratory montage scenes are amazing. Gibson, that Irish guy and her Japanese love interest (take that diversity!) pour liquids from one test tube into the other. When the liquid turns goes black or something they look sad. Give-me-your-comedy-sad-face sad. Then finally, after all that hard work of pouring things into other things, they get to do puppy-chasing-it’s-tail smiles when the mixture turns glow-in-the-dark green. Science!

Also: They’re always kneeling while they do the science-pouring. I choose to believe because the wardrobe department spent that day’s budget on the lab coats so none of the actor’s have any pants on.

Here's an idea: The DVD cover seems to suggest that Gibson is the shark and Lorenzo Lamas is the octopus. Hands up if you want to see that.

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