Thursday, October 29, 2009

Knowing me, knowing you. Ha. Ha.

Knowing (2009)

Disclaimer - I’m structuring this review in the style of a Nicolas Cage film. So yeah just a lot of random crap that popped into my head.

First of all: There’s a scene where Nicolas Cage is talking to some woman who’s been thrown in as his love interest, and he’s coming clean about how he’s actually been stalking her for a little while and knows all about her family. He delivers this whole speech in his usual stuttery, I-AM-CRAZY fashion, with his hands fidgeting under the table doing what looks like something rather unsavoury. Now I’m going to press play again to see how she reacts. Ha, he gets even crazier. She looks at him like the psycho he is and runs away. I like to think none of this was in the script and the woman isn’t even an actress.

Questions I asked myself: Why did Nicolas Cage give the dark and scary attic-room to his most-likely-traumatised son? Why did the creepy girl at the beginning have a scar on her face? Do we just assume it’s child abuse? Is that it? Was there a child abuse sub-plot that just got thrown away? These are things we the audience should be KNOWING.

Here’s how it ends: No word of a lie, the alien/angel (don’t get me started) things drop the children off on the new planet/heaven (really) and give them unflattering burlap outfits to wear. This new civilisation isn’t going to be very fashion-forward it would seem. The final shot has them frolicking in a meadow and running towards the tree of knowledge. I was expecting Kate Beckinsale and her gypsy family to appear in the sky, but as I’ve said before I never get what I want.

Also: I walked by the poster for this a few months back and thought it was called K Wing cause the letters were obscured by a hair-piece or something. Anyway when I was watching this I started wondering what style of fake hair Nicolas Cage would have in K Wing.

What would K Wing be about?: Well, Nicolas Cage is a renegade mechanic tasked by the NSA with building a time machine, nicknamed K Wing. His mission is to go back in time and slow down the rotation of the earth by small increments so as to decelerate global warming. To do this he’ll need the help of a reclusive and eco-conscious billionaire played by Julianne Moore, who’s divided different parts of the blueprints of K Wing amongst the leaders of the most politically volatile countries in North Africa. With sexy results.

Weird: I wrote that thing about global warming in K Wing before I even knew it was a major plot point in Knowing. That means this film is actually magic and has given me The Knowing.

The End?

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