Wednesday, October 28, 2009

This dude my Kevin Costner! He going to beat you off!

Crank: High Voltage (2009)

Starring: Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Bai Ling, Clifton Collins Jr, Geri Freakin’ Halliwell

What’s all this then?: It’s the sequel I never needed to that film I saw once that was kind of crazy. Wasn’t that The Transporter 3 or something? No? You’re kidding.

Say what?: Yeah Crank is back. Chinese gangs have stolen his heart and given it to David Carradine. That’s kind of a spoiler, but if that concerns you then this film isn't for you. Though now that I’ve written his name out it makes me wonder if Carradine’s untimely death had something to do with this film ending very abruptly. Again, it really doesn’t matter, but one has to consider these things.

That’s a lot of boobs: It is actually. They’re all over the place. None of them belong to Amy Smart. It seems she draws the line at the hilarious scenes of public sexual humiliation. I’m fine with that, it says more about the status of women in Hollywood that doing the wheelbarrow in front of thousands of people then getting firehosed off of Statham is good for your career whilst showing your nipples would make you look like a whore. Hey, I don’t make the rules. Katherine Heigl does.

Geri Halliwell?: She doesn’t do much, but she doesn’t embarrass herself either. I know, these Crank films really do play with expectations.

Level of crazy: 8. Doesn’t have the novelty factor of the first one, but still off it’s rocker. Bai Ling alone gives it 5 crazy points.

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