Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Are you sure you want to fillum this?

A Complete History of My Sexual Failures (2008)

Starring: Chris Waitt, His ex-girlfriends, Mistress Maisie

The Gist: Waitt is a bit of a loser. He’s been consistently dumped by girlfriends for his whole life and has just gotten the boot once again at the start of this documentary. And by documentary I mean that in the post-James Frey meaning of “this is what really happened”. So this is kind of how things happened, maybe, now shut up and enjoy the cringing. He gets a camera and some funding to go around and interview all of his exes to find out why they broke up with him. But the fact that he’s got the commitment and the connections to get funding from producers to make a film suggests that he might not be quite the aimless loser those same producers would like us to believe. Again, it’s a story just like anything else so don’t be that arse in the cinema saying “pfft, if he hasn’t got a job how can he afford to have that shithole in London all to himself?”. No one likes that guy.

And then what happens?: Cringing. I mentioned it up there but even if you’re not on board with it at all and are sceptical about the whole thing, there are several moments, sections even, that will have you hand-covering-mouth, looking at the person beside you with your best OMG face. Like when he visits an ageing dominatrix who whips his testicles. Or at the beginning when he just shows up at people’s doors with a camera and expects them to talk to him. And then there’s my favourite part when one of his ex-girlfriends suggests that the reason behind his failed relationships might be his mental health. Because for a long time he thought he was Jesus. “Like, fully believed it”.

See it for: The part where Waitt asks every woman in Central London to have sex with him. Not to mention that he’s just swallowed eight Viagra tablets. And he’s pissed.

Level of Crazy: 6. Oh by the way it gets all serious at the end. Uber-serious. Whip-you-in-the-testicles serious.

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