Thursday, March 5, 2009

You was the bomb in 'Munich'

Love The Beast/Eric Bana Q+A (2009)

Starring: Eric Bana, Jeremy Clarkson, Jay Leno, Dr. Phil, Some Car

The Gist: So Eric Bana just made a documentary all about himself. He says it’s about his car and friends and love for his family and bla-bla-bla but it’s The Eric Show. Which is surprisingly not bad. It’s cheesy and self-indulgent and the narration in the first five minutes will make you pine for Morgan Freeman making up stuff about penguins even though they’re cute enough already dammit, but he’s not the worst person to be around. He also seems to understand that some people might not find cars all that interesting so around the 45 minute mark, just as I reached motor sport threshold and my mind started to wander, he goes BAM and puts in a montage of car crashes. The only thing missing was wacky sound effects. Unfortunately he didn’t call ahead and tell the guy sitting next to me to have a wash cause he smelled like sweaty faeces but then nobody's perfect.

And then what happens?: He decides to do a crossover of The Eric Show with The Dr Phil Show for some reason. Those parts go something like this:

Dr Phil: If Eric Bana loves a car, and you take that car from him and hide it away under a blanket, what do you get? That’s right, a delicious turkey dinner. I’m not trying to scare you but picture for a minute an airplane turned upside-down, hurtling towards the earth. Now imagine Eric Bana’s car was the pilot but didn’t make it to work on time that day cause it was parked in a garage somewhere. What would happen? That’s right, Queen Latifah would have French toast for breakfast. Do you understand?

Eric Bana: I see.

See it for: No idea. I only went because Eric Bana was actually going to be there. Besides that I really don’t see why anyone would care.

Fine then, what was Eric Bana like in person?: Very pleasant. There was a Q+A thing where people in the crowd asked him questions each of which was a thinly-veiled version of “Hi Eric, loved the film, can I see your penis?”. I considered asking him what the hell Dr Phil was doing there but got distracted by his jawline. Also the smelly guy left just before the Q+A section, and the tickets were relatively expensive. You intrigue me, smelly man.

Level of Crazy: Maybe 5. But it’s ludicrous that this film exists at all.

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