Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Sweet Zombie Jesus


Wild Zero (2000)

Starring: Guitar Wolf, Bass Wolf & Drum Wolf as Themselves, Masashi Endo, Kwancharu Shitichai, Makoto Inamiya

The Gist: Deep breath: Aliens are attacking the Earth and turning people into zombies. You never see this happen, or any aliens for that matter, but it’s going down and the only things that will protect you are Guitar Wolf and his Morrissey sidekicks, rock ‘n’ roll, magic rape whistles, fainting a lot and having a secret penis, a Burberry unitard and rock ‘n’ roll (it bears repeating).

And then what happens?: The usual things you might expect from “Japan’s Rock ‘N’ Roll Zombie Horror Classic”. Which is anything. Our hero is Ace, a major groupie for Guitar Wolf and his band. He saves them getting their heads exploded by the milk-drinking, short-short-sporting villain and gains a mystical protective whistle in the process. He falls in love with a girl. Zombies attack. The girl reveals her penis. Wackiness ensues. Guitar Wolf has amazing electro-shock guitar picks that can neutralise the enemy. He teaches Ace (and us) that “Love has no boundaries, nationalities or genders”. So it’s ultimately a love story. A tranny zombie love story.

See it for: The last twenty minutes where they obviously blew all their money. Explosions, spaceships, more explosions - even the Morrisseys get some nice twinkly lights for their car. And a bazooka. Then there’s the part where Guitar Wolf destroys the mothership using his… oh, I can’t spoil it for you.

Level of Crazy: 10. The majority of objects shoot fire as well.

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