Thursday, February 19, 2009
1. Stop writing films that hate women like The Women.
2. Stop starring in films that hate women like The Women.
3. Stop going to see toxic films like 27 Dresses just because they wrap them up in a pretty bow and use the same font as Love, Actually. And don’t get me started on that pile of felch.
4. Kate Hudson is not the girl-next-door, she’s not like you and she doesn’t care about you. All she cares about is money and killing Owen Wilson. There, I said it.
5. Don’t look down on people like Betsey Rue from My Bloody Valentine 3D. She may be very naked but she’s clearly got more balls than anyone in Bride Wars.
6. Remember that feminism is not just being a bitch and making men appear foolish. Thought that might bear repeating after so many years of “he’s a sexist pig? EMBARRASS HIM PUBLICLY” style messages of empowerment.
7. Stop playing the same age as Robert Downey Jr when he’s clearly twenty years older than you. You’ll have long enough fishing for scraps and bit-parts in Nip/Tuck after you turn 40, don’t help speed up the process.
8. You don’t necessarily have to decide between babies and a career and I’m surprised at Tina Fey for telling you that.
9. In reality if Anna Wintour had ever watched The Devil Wears Prada, she’d have the power to reach through the screen into the film, grab Anne Hathaway and explain that she’s no one’s cautionary tale. She’s just getting things done.
10. Buy that dress, it looks great on you. You deserve it. And chocolate. Y’all like chocolate too right? That’s a sponsored message from the producers of Confessions of a Shopaholic. Credit cards are fun!