Saturday, January 31, 2009

Please point that giraffe in another direction.

The Green Butchers (2003)

Starring: Mads Mikkelson, Nikolaj Lie Kaas, Nikolaj Lie Kaas again, Line Kruse, Nicolas Bro

The Gist: Mads Mikkelson (the villain from Casino Royale) is Svend, a sad and creepy trainee butcher obsessed with making the perfect marinade. He’s got an unfortunate hairline and his head is constantly drenched in sweat. This causes everyone to call him Sweaty Svend. His wife leaves him just as he opens a new butcher shop with his only friend Bjarne. Then, wouldn’t ya know, things turn a bit Sweeney Todd.

And then what happens?: The guy who also plays Bjarne turns up as his brain-damaged younger brother who, according to the potentially unreliable subtitles, was given too much control by their parents and basically thinks he owns the place. He hands people little animal figurines at certain points and screams things like “I am the winner, you do as I say!”. He’s also a vegetarian. And his brother is a butcher. Lots of shouting.

See it for: The scene where the local priest, who we’re told survived a horrible plane crash by eating his dead wife, declares to the rival butcher that Svend and Bjarne’s meat “tastes like Gert”.

Level of Crazy: 6. I think. With films like this I can never be sure if it’s actually as weird as it seems or if it’s just an effect of the translation. My Danish is not so good.

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